Captain Jack is finally dying, and it’s time for his oldest friend to visit his deathbed. King John has come to tell him a story. The story of the life he should have had.
It’s the story of Alexander the Great, sinking ships, falling empires, robot dinosaurs, and alien invasions. It’s a story of love, royal weddings, murder, mass murder, genocide, and very tight trousers.
It’s the story of the life of Captain John and it’s the story of Torchwood. Be careful what you wish for.
TORCHWOOD: THE DEATH OF CAPTAIN JACK
It’s amazing that we’re already onto the fourth series of Torchwood releases, and that the average level of quality has remained so high throughout – which is why “The Death of Captain Jack” by David Llewellyn is such a disappointing start to the fourth series. This story marks the return of Captain John Hart (James Marsters), a fellow former Time Agent who appeared in the second Torchwood TV season. It follows a simple conceit: since Captain John is such a fun, over the top character, wouldn’t it be delightful to watch him rampage through history, killing or having sex with everything in sight? What if he even managed to change history and lived through the events of Torchwood in Jack’s place? If you’re thinking this sounds exactly like “He Jests at Scars…,” the Doctor Who Unbound story starring the Valeyard, you’re right! But if you thought that, you might also remember that “He Jests at Scars…” was awful, and so is “The Death of Captain Jack” for the same reasons. Since all of this takes place in a parallel universe, there are no consequences for our characters. Oh, Captain John just killed Rhys! So what? What’s the point of the story? Evidently there’s no point beyond being silly – and that’s fine to an extent because it’s very funny in places, but an hour of bawdy vignettes with no greater purpose is a waste of time. Yep, they all waggled their eyebrows and now they’re having sex with each other. Again. Great.
4/10