The Doctor, his companion Jo Grant and the Brigadier face their strangest case yet – a Saturday night TV show that has been invaded by aliens that look like puppets!
The Scorchies want to take over the world. They want to kill the Doctor. And they want to perform some outstanding showtunes. Though not necessarily in that order…
With Jo caught inside The Scorchies Show, can she save the day before the planet Earth falls victim to the dark side of light entertainment?
THE COMPANION CHRONICLES: THE SCORCHIES
It’s difficult for me to write a proper review of James Goss’ “The Scorchies,” the ninth release in the seventh series of Companion Chronicles, because I’m incredibly conflicted by it. On the one hand, I can see what the story is trying to do and it appears to do that fairly well; on the other, I found it one of the most irritating experiences of my time listening to Big Finish.
Let’s get this out of the way up front: “The Scorchies” is not a bad story. It’s the same sort of satirical take on children’s light entertainment that we got way back in “The Ratings War” – though not as good – and it certainly embraces the style. Katy Manning’s acting is fantastic, not only as Jo and in her brief moments as the Doctor, but also in the way she disappears into the various Scorchies. Between Manning and costar Melvyn Hayes, this sounds like a full-cast drama, and that’s a testament to the two actors. And in many ways it is a full-cast drama: it’s not told in flashback, standing as one of the rare examples of an “as it happens” Companion Chronicle. The sound design from Richard Fox and Lauren Yason is quite evocative of this style of television, and Ken Bentley knows exactly what to shoot for in his direction. Goss’ story is somewhat slight, but it even manages to be affecting by the conclusion as it tells the story of Professor Baffle and the history of the Scorchies. In short, I understand why a lot of people enjoy this story, and why a great many of them rate this story particularly highly.
Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. I don’t like light entertainment in this vein. I disliked this sort of show when I was a kid and I continue to dislike it now. Comparisons to the Muppets are incredibly wrong-footed. Everything about this story is loud – it’s like being shouted at for an hour – and the barrage of stimuli never stops. The scary parts aren’t scary and the dramatic parts are drowned by the surrounding cacophony of nonsense. And then there are the songs, which I suppose have witty lyrics but are also teeth-grindingly annoying. It was a struggle not to skip tracks to get ahead of them.
Viewed dispassionately, “The Scorchies” isn’t a bad story. It’s not a masterpiece – it’s the sort of thing I’d probably give a 6/10 – but it’s not a disaster. But everything about “The Scorchies” rubs me the wrong way. It’s a style of story I dislike in a genre I hate. I had to force myself through the entire unpleasant experience. I recognize that this is simply an issue of personal taste, and not a reflection on the quality of the story, but in the end this was one of the least enjoyable Doctor Who stories of my life, and I have to grade it as such.
Never again.
1/10