The Doctor and Peri face enemies at every turn on the planet Magnus. There’s the Time Lord bully Anzor, who made the Doctor’s life hell during his time at the Academy. There’s also Rana Zandusia, the matriarchal ruler of the planet, who seeks to prise the secret of time travel from these alien visitors. Also on Magnus is the slug-like Sil, still bitter from his defeat on the planet Varos and seeking to make his fortune from the most potentially destructive ends. And, deep within the planet, there is something else. Another old enemy of the Doctor’s. And the future is looking decidedly colder.
THE LOST STORIES: MISSION TO MAGNUS
After encountering the Celestial Toymaker in the first story of the abandoned season 23, the sixth Doctor and Peri would have joined another classic villain, the Ice Warriors, in Philip Martin’s “Mission to Magnus,” now adapted for Big Finish by the original author. Martin, of course, wrote “Vengeance on Varos,” heralded by some as the best sixth Doctor story, as well as “Mindwarp,’ heralded by me as the best segment of “The Trial of a Time Lord.” With these credentials in mind, I eagerly awaited this audio release – but what I heard was so terrible I found it difficult even to finish.
I try not to be too political in these reviews, and I further understand that this story was written nearly twenty-five years before Big Finish’s adaptation, but there’s no escaping the truth: “Mission to Magnus” is appallingly sexist. It’s one of the great flawed science fiction theses: since men are in charge here on Earth, just imagine what a bizarre, alien society would result if women were allowed to run things! Of course, that sort of story mostly died out in the ’50s, but here we are in 1986 with the planet full of warlike men and the planet full of women who keep men imprisoned underground for breeding. Nonetheless, I would have simply rolled my eyes at the idiotic sexual politics if not for the ending. Yes, the ending, in which the men declare, after meeting the women, that they will take them as wives. Not a single one of the women seems to take this as a good idea, especially not when the leader Ishka (Nicholas Briggs) sneeringly alludes to the sexual aspects of marriage. Sure, it’s played jokingly, but I find little humor in subjugation and rape. I understand these stories are supposed to be presented as they were, but honestly, rape as humor in the 21st century? In a play directed by a woman? This is unconscionable. Oh, and there’s an unnecessary moment where the front of Peri’s outfit is soaked through, but I’m sure that wouldn’t have been played for cheap titillation.
The play also invokes the issue of climate change, but don’t expect any sort of meaningful commentary: here it’s purely a sci-fi plot device, less interested in exploring the topic than the original “The Ice Warriors” from 1967. I’m also not one to criticize bad science in Doctor Who, since I think that generally misses the point of the series, and the Ice Warriors’ plot to blow Magnus off its orbit and into a colder using nuclear bombs is exactly the sort of silliness that the series is known for. But they actually do it? And it works? And the solution is to use another set of bombs to blow it back to its normal orbit? And the climate corrects itself so rapidly it melts the Ice Warriors where they stand? Give me strength. But even if you ignore the plan itself, there’s still the matter of the Ice Warriors themselves appearing in the middle of the story for no apparent reason other than to drag the plot out even further. It’s unbearably clumsy, and barely hangs together.
Let’s not forget Anzor (Malcolm Rennie), a fellow Time Lord revealed to be the Doctor’s former school bully. Naturally, as it seems a twelve-year-old wrote this script, the Doctor cowers helplessly before Anzor, thanklessly doing his bidding out of fear of some sort of retribution. If there was something here about the psychology of bullying, it might actually be effective, but there isn’t and it isn’t. Instead, it’s merely the Doctor – the sixth Doctor, mind you – acting incomprehensibly out of character.
If there’s a bright spot in “Mission to Magnus,” it is without a doubt Nabil Shaban, who slips back into the role of Sil so perfectly you’d think it was still 1986. Sil’s trademark sliminess oozes from every line, and the way in which he so easily changes his plans to suit whomever has the upper hand is delightful. Colin Baker effortlessly recaptures his spikier television persona as well, and Briggs’ Ice Warriors sound like they just stepped out of the studio. Lest I sound too positive, however, any discussion of the cast must also include child actor William Townsend, who butchers every scene with a ghastly performance as Vion.
Moving to the production front, mostly so I can stop talking about this story, I must say I enjoyed Simon Robinson’s sound design and especially his score, which really capture the 1980s feel of the story. Credit to director Lisa Bowerman as well – for everything bad about “Mission to Magnus,” at least it’s not boring, and most of the performances are high-quality. Overall, though, there’s very little to recommend this play, as the script is, without exaggeration, one of the worst in the long history of Doctor Who. Had “Mission to Magnus” been produced for television, it would now be regarded as one of the worst TV stories of all time; instead, it will now be regarded as one of the worst Big Finish stories of all time.
If you buy this, you have only yourself to blame.
2/10