The edges of space, the far distant future, an era even the Time Lords are not supposed to visit.
Laid claim to by disputing factions of humans and Chelonians, the planet Barclow has become the catalyst for an unusual war. In two hundred years of hostilities not a shot has been fired, and the opposing combatants are the best of friends.
But when the Doctor, Romana and K9 arrive, they discover the peace is not going to last. Something dangerous is happening behind the scenes. An election looms. Bodies are piling up. Tensions are growing. Someone, somewhere is trying to make this well-mannered war very angry indeed.
Only the time-travellers can save the day. But that might be their biggest mistake.
THE WELL-MANNERED WAR
Of the three Gareth Roberts season 17 Missing Adventures, “The Well-Mannered War” has always been my favorite – it’s missing some of the trademark silliness of the others, but it actually has a number of coherent ideas assembling into an interesting plot. The same is true of the audio adaptation from John Dorney, and as a result it’s easily the best of the three releases.
The central conceit, the “well-mannered war” of the title, is a fantastic war satire in the vein of classic films like “Grand Illusion.” It’s not especially subtle, but that’s okay – we still see how individuals on both sides of a conflict have so much in common that they don’t want to fight at all, and only make perfunctory overtures toward military action. You really believe that Dolne (Tim McInnerny!) and Jafrid (Jon Glover) are close friends despite their backgrounds and the conflict dividing them, and the scenes in which both leaders invent excuses to avoid attacking the other are quite entertaining. Of course, the conflict eventually heats up, but Jafrid is reluctant throughout. About the only thing his heart is into is torturing the Doctor to death, and eventually he reverses course even there. As silly as it can be, it honestly makes you wonder – why can’t we get along like this?
But there’s much more going on in the story, including an election between the incumbent, Harmock (John Banks), and his opponent’s last-minute replacement, K9! Yes, a little-known doctrine of “constitutional privilege” entitles K9 to run for the presidency of an entire planet, which of course he does because it will give him access to more resources to help the Doctor and Romana. “K9: The Logical Choice” is a funny slogan, as are Harmock’s “going to the dogs” references. Roberts and Dorney skewer politics right along with war, with K9 quickly devising more efficient ways to run the government, free of outside influences. But this isn’t a crash course in idealism – the riots cannot be quelled, even with K9’s logical approach to stopping them. Of course, by the end, the irrelevance of the election becomes clear; this is another in a series of unexpected plot twists that drive the story in fascinating directions.
I love how this story uses the Fourth Doctor: he blunders into the situation with his usual lack of subtlety, and takes control with his usual aplomb, but he’s aware throughout that something is seriously wrong. Despite this, he never quite figures out what until it’s too late. There are many humorous scenes for Tom Baker, which is always a delight, but his nervous ponderings are a particular highlight. Romana works very well with K9, and is able to solve the problem of Galatea (Elizabeth Rider) without the Doctor’s help, but even she misses the scheming going on behind the scenes. All of this leads to a final scene that was controversial when it concluded the Missing Adventures range and still provides a defiant lack of closure even today. I’m not sure if this was actually Roberts’ attempt to invalidate 1980s Doctor Who, as has been rumored, but I admire Dorney and Big Finish for resolutely ending the story with a cliffhanger instead of constructing a new conclusion.
The cast is great across the board. Even if they’re not in the studio together, finally pairing Tom Baker and Lalla Ward has been an unquestioned success. This is also one of John Leeson’s best performances, as the script gives K9 more to do than perhaps he’s ever had. I mentioned McInnerny, Glover, and Banks above, but you’ve also got Michael and David Troughton supporting, both playing very different characters but both leaving unforgettable marks on the story. The production is also strong, from Ken Bentley’s direction to solid sound design from Peter Doggart. Overall, “The Well-Mannered War” is the best novel adaptation from Big Finish since “Love and War” kicked things off. It faithfully translates one of Gareth Roberts’ best novels to audio while making a strong story even more accessible. More like this, please!
Highly recommended.
9/10