1. It Takes a Thief by John Dorney
The French Riviera has always provided rich pickings for the aristocratic cat-burglar. Lady Christina is enjoying the high life while adding to her collection. But when suspicion falls on her after a robbery-turned-murder, Christina decides to catch the culprit herself…
2. Skin Deep by James Goss
Sylvia Noble always knew she deserved better. So, when a chance encounter with aristocracy propels her out of Chiswick and into high society, she’s delighted. But the beautiful people have their own agenda – and Christina is surprised when those plans involve her father.
3. Portrait of a Lady by Tim Dawson
When her plot to steal a priceless painting runs into trouble, Christina crashes into an undercover UNIT operation – and Sam Bishop. Soon, her Number 200 bus is racing from Europe to South America and into the depths of the Pacific, chasing a mysterious and unstoppable foe…
4. Death on the Mile by Donald McLeary
Lady Christina has been offered a job: the heist of a lifetime. She simply has to break into Edinburgh Castle. At the same time, UNIT are investigating alien activity at the Military Tattoo. And where there’s treasure and treachery, there are also Slitheen…
LADY CHRISTINA: IT TAKES A THIEF
I mentioned this briefly in her Tenth Doctor Chronicles appearance, but was anyone actually asking for the further adventures of Lady Christina de Souza? Who knows – but here’s a Lady Christina box set of four one-hour stories, so let’s dig in.
I’ll provide more general criticisms in the review of the final story, but things kick off with “It Takes a Thief” by John Dorney, a breezy caper story on the French Riviera. Dorney clearly enjoys this type of story – it’s full of tricks, plots, double crosses, and an endless supply of witty dialogue. Michelle Ryan pulls it off quite well – her mannered tones fit the atmosphere perfectly – and Matt Barber is great as the upper-class twit Ivo Fraser-Cannon. I like the idea of Interpol pursuing Christina – obviously her thievery wouldn’t be confined by national borders – and the story seems to be setting up an ongoing rivalry between Christina and a certain Interpol agent. Naturally, we don’t see that character for the rest of the box set. Still, “It Takes a Thief” is fun and it’s a nice way to re-introduce Christina and her various tools and talents. Dorney remains one of the best writers currently in the Big Finish stable and he shows it again here.
7/10
LADY CHRISTINA: SKIN DEEP
“Skin Deep,” by James Goss, gives us a totally unexpected pairing, as Jacqueline King returns as Sylvia Noble, teaming up with Lady Christina to foil an alien invasion. This story is much more about Sylvia than it is about Christina, digging into her class resentment, her desires to be part of high society and her realizations that she does not belong there for many reasons both good and bad. Christina is also somewhat unsympathetic: she spends the first half of the story befriending Sylvia, until we discover that it was all just a con to get access to valuables. The plot is the most like a Doctor Who episode – specifically a Russell T. Davies episode – of the whole set, as we see aliens, disguised as humans, introducing a new skin care product that actually facilitates an invasion of Earth. We also see Christina abandon her original plans in the face of this threat, teaming up with Sylvia to save the planet. There are a couple of missed opportunities here: first, the scenes between Christina and her father come out of nowhere and don’t land effectively; second, Sylvia and Christina never bond over their shared experiences with the Doctor. But there’s also a great moment in which Goss actually shows how Christina differs from the Doctor: her solution to save the day involves killing every invader, and Sylvia is the one who comes up with the solution that saves everyone. This isn’t dwelled upon, but unfortunately the rest of the set features absolutely nothing like it. In sum, this is still the best story in the set and definitely of its era.
8/10
LADY CHRISTINA: PORTRAIT OF A LADY
“Portrait of a Lady,” by Tim Dawson, is where the set goes off the rails. It desperately wants to be a globe-spanning tale of intrigue, with plot and counter-plots all coming to fruition in a grand climax. It changes things up: Christina is nowhere to be seen in the first parts of the story, which instead follow UNIT’s Sam Bishop as he attempts to track down the mysterious El Guapo – and yes, that’s a Three Amigos reference, and no, the story doesn’t take itself entirely seriously. Even the theme music is different, promising something unique. The problems, however, are many: there’s far too much going on, too many settings and set pieces for a one-hour run time. It thinks it’s much funnier than it is: it’s not particularly witty, and the “sharp” dialogue is a poor imitation of what we got in the first story. The characters are uninteresting or outright annoying. And then there’s Sam Bishop, a character that Big Finish thinks is interesting because he’s played by Warren Brown but that no author has ever bothered to actually make interesting. He’s the most generic UNIT character of all time, largely because he’s barely in any of the actual UNIT sets – I think he gets more “screen time” in this Lady Christina set than any in his parent range! If they want this character to take off – and they very obviously do, given how he’s looming over everyone else in the cover art – they need to define him as more than “guy in a t-shirt on the cover.” Oh, there’s also a Sontaran in this story, but he’s mind-controlled and one-dimensional and a waste of Christopher Ryan. Overall, this is an over-filled, uninteresting mess. No thanks.
4/10
LADY CHRISTINA: DEATH ON THE MILE
The final story in the set is “Death on the Mile,” by Donald McLeary, and it’s basically a full-on UNIT/Lady Christina crossover. Not only is Sam Bishop in it again, we also get an appearance from UNIT contact and investigative journalist Jacqui McGee, who abruptly vanished from the UNIT sets a while back. Sam is investigating alien activity in Edinburgh while Christina is there to steal something, and naturally their paths cross as they uncover and defeat an alien plot. This time, it’s the Slitheen, who work quite well on audio – it’s easier to conceal their involvement since you can’t see the characters to know they’re large people. And while they’re not as overtly silly here as they were on television, which I’m sure will please many fans, there’s also virtually no subtlety or thematic weight here – nothing in this story even approaches the magnificent space pig scene from “Aliens of London” and that wasn’t even a big part of the plot. I do like that the story is unafraid to do actual damage, tearing down a good chunk of Edinburgh Castle and setting a volcano off in the city. There just isn’t much going on here and it’s already starting to feel repetitive.
So, is Lady Christina creatively viable in the long term, anchoring her own range of box sets? Yes, but not like this. Michelle Ryan is fantastic in the title role – she’s smart, she’s fun, she’s mysterious. But there isn’t much creativity here: she’s a thief, so let’s make every story revolve around heists! It’s a Doctor Who spinoff, so let’s make sure there’s a hidden alien threat in every story! It’s a “new series” production, so let’s cram in whatever TV elements can make it to the studio on recording day! Christina herself isn’t even that interesting: we honestly don’t learn that much about her over the four stories, but it’s impossible not to notice that her rough edges have been filed off. She’s not quite as arrogant, not quite as self-absorbed, not quite as criminal. Sure, she starts every story on a mission to steal something, but by the end she’s always at the front line trying to save the day. In other words, she’s just another analogue for the Doctor, and if there’s one thing we absolutely do not need more of it’s even more bland Doctor Who stories. Want to do a second series? Great, but do something interesting: push her to her emotional limits, present her with an impossible choice and force her to pick one, show her in love, or morose, or desperate, or betrayed. Otherwise, you’re just treading water – and I can sit in the bath and do that myself for four hours without spending thirty dollars for the privilege.
5/10