It’s 1929, and the TARDIS crew is holidaying in Antibes. While the Doctor practises his painting, Romana attempts to fend off the playful advances of young Tommy Creighton. As her newfound socialite existence suddenly takes a turn into danger, Romana finds that the whole planet Earth is faced with a deadly threat… A new adventure for the Fourth Doctor as told by his companion, Romana.
THE COMPANION CHRONICLES: THE STEALERS FROM SAIPH
For the final Companion Chronicle in the third series, Big Finish turned to Nigel Robinson, former editor of the Target novelizations and occasional contributor to the New Adventures Range. His script, “The Stealers from Saiph,” returns to the little-used season 16 and Mary Tamm’s first Romana. Unfortunately, it’s badly written and largely uninteresting, but these can’t all be winners, right?
You can tell that this came from someone associated with the Target novelizations because it sounds like one. And I’m not talking about the occasional great ones that fleshed out already-superior stories into masterpieces; I’m talking about the ones that were banged out in approximately ten minutes. There is absolutely no framing device; it’s simply Mary Tamm reading a first-person novella. Part of the reason I prefer full-cast audio to readings is that I hate hearing “he said” and “said the Doctor” and “I remarked” over and over again, and “Stealers” is full of nothing but. I know Robinson can do better than this – he certainly did with “Hunters of Earth” – but this is clunky, simplistic prose that does nothing to inspire. Tamm is a skilled narrator, but for some reason they didn’t cast a second actor, so she’s forced to do all the voices. This leads to an eye-rolling ethnic caricature, among other things, but it’s to her credit that you can tell all the characters apart in a cluttered script.
The story is set around a Mediterranean resort in the 1920s. Think of every 1920s serial cliché you can, and then count them as they all appear in the story. This girl is liberated and dances the Charleston! This one is more conservative and doesn’t approve of her friend’s daring ways! the Doctor and Romana into the middle of it, and watch them wander around aimlessly for an entire episode! Listen as Romana says she’s here to study Earth culture, then doesn’t study anything for the rest of the story! Then there’s aliens who want to turn the entire Mediterranean into a breeding pit for their young and possess a bunch of the supporting characters! Then the Doctor defeats them by focusing a beam of energy at them and brutally killing everyone! But it’s okay because (all together now) they were dead the moment the possession took hold! Christ on the cross, this is dreadful.
Seriously, what is the point of this story? It’s not particularly interesting, it’s not well written, it’s structured horribly, and the characters are different varieties of unmemorable cliché. It doesn’t even attempt to be about anything, it tells us nothing about Romana – about the only thing this story accomplishes is to bring you slightly more than an hour closer to death. I’ll grant that it isn’t aggressively stupid or anything like that, but why do we need stories like this, full of repetitive elements that stopped being interesting 30 years ago? Is this the consequence of the Companion Chronicles going monthly – efforts to get *something* out the door before the deadline hits? I will say that the production is generally great – I enjoyed Howard Carter’s sound design, which convincingly evokes both the era and the setting. Overall, though, I’m just tired of stories like this.
No.
3/10