A riddle: What would be left if right were wrong, a rectangle broader than it’s long, nine sixes that exceed six nines, the crunch of colliding parallel lines.
A trap: More deadly than any enemy.
A piece of classic advice: This above all; to thine own self be true. The Doctor in catch 22.
Is there a solution? Is there an escape?
The Waters of Mars? HA! I bring you Enclave Irrelative!
Blurb
A riddle:
What would be left if right were wrong,
A rectangle broader than it’s long,
Nine sixes that exceed six nines,
The crunch of colliding parallel lines.
A trap:
More deadly than any enemy.
A piece of classic advice:
This above all; to thine own self be true.
The Doctor in catch 22
Is there a solution?
Is there an escape?
Part 1
I was afraid a 40-minute part 1 would be daunting, but the first 2 minutes are ambient guitar music.
A man and woman are playing a game where they apparently destroy life forms for fun. It sounds like a cross between I Spy and Russian Roulette.
Ria and our new pal Truman Crouch are playing a game while the Doctor makes some tea. Suddenly the console freezes over and a disembodied voice claiming to be the Tardis pipes in. The Doctor doesn’t believe that it’s actually the Tardis, but the doors open and The Doctor and co. are shot out into the vortex. They all land in a snowstorm. Hearing a pack of wolves, they make a run for it. Suddenly, a mysterious voice orders the wolves to depart, and they do.
The Doctor, Truman and Ria come across an icy castle, and decide to try their luck. They are invited in by a strange woman (everything is strange in this story, so I’m not going to say it every time). The wife of the king (just go with it), arranges a feast. They are introduced to their daughter, and then the king. I think he’s a king. He’s the one in charge. Really, it’s like Tom Bombadil played by Brian Blessed on acid. He’s the master of Yotun. Good for him.
The Doctor says he needs to find a way to contact the Time Lords to help track down his lost Tardis. The king, Slogru, gets very angry at the Doctor’s mention of science. It also turns out that the only three inhabitants of the land are the father, mother and daughter. Truman asks the daughter how old she’ll be, and she breaks down in tears, saying that she’ll be 17 tomorrow. Distraught, she runs out of the room. Teenagers!
Later that night, the girl comes visit Truman. She says that she will be dead the next day. Apparently, there’s a Hellwolf of Fire that is coming to get her. Don’t you hate that? As it happens, the Hellwolf arrives to visit the king. Apparently… the king once asked the beast to show him his transcendant powers (think we’ve all heard that line). In exchange, the beast would get the baby when she turned 17. The wife makes a wager with the beast for her daughter. There is a violet door and a yellow door. Behind one is a beautiful garden. Behind the other is the beast. She will have to choose to decide her fate. A riddle will provide the clues to which door is which. The Doctor goes to work on the riddle and tells her to open the violet door. Truman opens the door, but the wolf is behind that one and it eats him. Ah well. But because of Truman’s sacrifice, the beast gives the girl one more day to live. The mother is furious, and summons a bunch or creatures out of the walls to kill him and Ria. They make a run for the yellow door, and arrive in the garden. But just when things are looking good, the beast arrives and kills Ria. Ah well.
Part 2
The Doctor and Ria (she’s still here) find themselves in a flaming cavern filled with nasty demons. The demons banter a lot, but since their ring modulator is set about 5 notches above ‘Dalek’ you can’t understand them very well. Truman is fine too. Turns out that everything has actually been a diversion created by the eternals (see Enlightenment) for entertainment. The weirdness has been an enclave of something or other, blah blah blah weirdness blah blah blah another dimension blah blah blah.
Turns out Cuthbert (from Shadow World) was behind it all as a way to make money. He was going to… oh it’s too complicated. He was being bad and the Doctor stopped him. Ria and Truman are fine.
Evaluation:
That was a nice nap! Now down to business. There’s a bicentenial refit of the Tardis scheduled. Must pop over the Centauri 7. Just three small questions. What was that? Honestly, what was that? And seriously, what the heck did I just listen to?
It’s such a mess. The plot is actually straightforward enough. But it’s the worst kind of runaround. It’s a runaround trying to be weird. Yeah, it’s very very weird. But not good weird. It’s trying to hide its lack of anything interesting to say or do by being strange. Style over substance to the extreme. A real waste of the new companion, Truman.
Overall 2 out of 10
Best Tenth Planet Reference: “Last time I was this cold, I turned into a little fellow in baggy pants!”
Best line to use at a dinner party: “Here, let my witch-wife fill up your mead horn.”
I actually like this play for the sheer insanity of it. It’s trippy, it carries you along with it and I found it to be a lot of fun.
Nevertheless, Cuthbert did not feel right in this.
Playing games with The Doctor, yes, he does that to a point but Cuthbert is usually more direct and his plans less elaborate than the extravagant virtual reality trap he uses here.
Then I found out that the villain was originally going to be the Master and it all made sense. This is exactly the kind of thing that would appeal to him – overblown, egotistical and desperate to highlight The Doctor’s “weaknesses” while paradoxically seeking his approval.