The TARDIS crew land on Mars, home of the Ice Warriors, far back in its history. The Doctor is convinced it’s much too early for them to meet their frozen foes.. but the Doctor is wrong.
Far below the surface of the planet an evil scheme is in motion. A scientist works night and day at the command of an insane despot. A despot intent on creating a terrifyingly familiar army.
What exactly does Zaadur plan? What dark secret lies at the heart of the Gandoran mines? How far will the Doctor go to save his friends? In the deepest caves, the true Lords of the Red Planet are ready to emerge… Can anyone possibly survive their birth?
THE LOST STORIES: LORDS OF THE RED PLANET
The penultimate Lost Story – and the last from the Patrick Troughton era – is yet another Brian Hayles story, this time adapted by John Dorney. “Lords of the Red Planet” is an origin story for the Ice Warriors, and if you read that and thought “Wait, they need an origin story? I thought they were just the native life form on Mars!” then you’ll probably agree with this review.
I understand that, at the time this was devised, the Ice Warriors had only featured in one story, and thus what we know of them today is much more detailed than what we knew of them then. But that begs the question of why an origin story was necessary after only one story, especially since no major Doctor Who villain had been given an origin story to that point in the series – and indeed only one, the Daleks, would ever be given one in twenty-six seasons. Dorney struggles with this in his adaptation, too: the Doctor remarks on Ice Warrior honor when the concept didn’t even appear in “The Ice Warriors,” and furthermore he accidentally names them Ice Warriors because of that earlier adventure. And when they are created, they’re basically mindlessly obedient soldiers, with only Aslor (Nicholas Briggs, who plays all the Ice Warriors), the first Ice Lord, distinguishing himself. So what you’re left with isn’t much of an origin story: we don’t learn much of anything about them, nor are their origins particularly compelling. But then, it’s also implied that this isn’t their actual origin – the Doctor claims it’s much too early for Ice Warriors on Mars, and they’re all killed off at the end, so maybe we’re due for “Additional Lords of the Red Planet” in the main range at some point.
And really, once you get past the lack of inspiration in the origin story, there’s not much here to grip the imagination. A scientist tries to genetically modify his people to save them but finds he has accidentally sown the seeds of their destruction. A megalomaniacal villain creates an army of elite warriors to kill everyone and conquer the universe for no particular reason. There’s lots of chasing up and down corridors and capturing and recapturing. The Doctor alternates between pensive insight and wacky antics, Jamie’s a bit stupid, Zoe’s a bit smart – it’s a season 6 story played right down the middle, and as season 6 is one of my least favorites, it’s not the sort of thing I’m interested in. At least “The Seeds of Death,” which was similarly dull, had some captivating direction from Michael Ferguson. “Lords of the Red Planet” has nothing to offer except more of the same.
I’ve said this about multiple Lost Stories and I’ll say it again here: there is no reason for this story to be six episodes long. I understand it was the desired format in its era, but the padding in this story is particularly obvious and sometimes whole episodes go by without anything interesting happening. As simple as this plot is, it could probably be done in three episodes without losing anything important, and I found myself checking the clock multiple times while listening.
Perhaps most interesting about this release is how it breaks the format of the B&W-era Lost Stories. To this point, they’ve been like glorified Companion Chronicles: two actors from the era as narrators and an additional guest voice. “Lords of the Red Planet,” on the other hand, is practically full-cast: there are four actors in addition to Frazer Hines and Wendy Padbury, and the only impression the narrators have is Hines’ excellent Troughton. There’s practically no need for narration in this story, something underscored by Dorney’s workmanlike prose that serves little function other than advancing the plot. It’ll be interesting to see how much this serves as a template for the upcoming Early Adventures.
Special mention on the production front must go to Steve Foxon, who goes above and beyond the call of duty with excellent sound design and an atmospheric, effective score. Lisa Bowerman’s direction is up to her usual accomplished standard as well. Overall, though, “Lords of the Red Planet” just isn’t very good. It’s slow, it’s clichéd, it’s uninspiring, and it’s far too long. Not even the great production and the novelty of the full cast can save it completely.
For completists only.
5/10